A Definitive List of the 5 Best Toasts in 492 Words

First, let’s be clear about the basics and process. The toast starts with good sourdough bread toasted for exactly five minutes, while you make the coffee. 

Coming in strong at number five we have cheese toast. A solid contender, but this one is really only in the running if I have a serious craving for grilled cheese and am feeling too lazy to get out the pan and/or I’m out of pesto. Thin smear of butter on the bread. Cheese on top. Toast. Done. It gets the job done. For whatever reason cheese toast is the toast of choice when running out the door. I’m not mad at cheese toast. It works. 

Next up at number four we have guacamole toast. I fear this may be the most controversial on the list because of its nod to the highly polarizing avocado toast. Avocado toast has reached the embarrassing phase, you guys. What started out as a lovely trend (perfectly sliced avocado on toast with some cracked sea salt and maybe a few chile flakes) now involves poached eggs, forty-five types of microgreens, and a second mortgage. Just, no. Avocado is a food of the people. Stop turning it into a status symbol. You’re gross and unoriginal. That said (and yes it does feel good to get that off my chest, thanks for asking) avocado toast is incontrovertibly delicious. It’s a pain to prepare, though, and nobody has time to deal with avocado toast before coffee. Fear not: I have found the solution. You might not like it, but I’m okay with that. Ready? Get some Kirkland brand guacamole (I use the individual cups) and spread it on toast. You can hate all you want but I’m telling you, it’s better than 80% of avocado toasts out there. 

Number three on the list is one I rarely choose but every time I do I think, “Man, I’ve missed you,” and that’s toast with butter and cinnamon sugar. Salted, softened butter (Kerrygold, please) with generous coverage of cinnamon sugar. The cinnamon sugar sits in a little jar on the counter and is made with the perfect proportion of cinnamon to granulated white sugar. You’ll find the perfect proportion by mixing up what you think is right and then adding a bit more cinnamon. 

Runner-up is classic toast with butter. Don’t ruin a good thing by going crazy with the butter because nobody likes a slow drip of hot melted butter sliding down their wrist first thing in the morning. *Shudder* Kerrygold (or the Costco equivalent) is the only butter allowed here. 

Coming in hot at number one: pesto toast. Just like guacamole toast, we’re going Kirkland brand and we’re going nothing else. You might be tempted to add something to your pesto toast to “improve” it, but you’d be making a huge mistake. The only threat of pesto toast is this: you gotta check your teeth before that 8:00 meeting. 


#WritersWrite and I write almost every day. I sometimes share my thoughts publicly in this series called “500 Words or Less” This practice allows me to explore a variety of different topics in a restrained/contained way and learn what resonates with people. I wrote it, not AI. If you share, please give proper credit. © Traci Smith, 2023. All Rights Reserved.

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